The name's the thing

Hmmm. I don't usually post blogs or read blogs, but it's become a recent habit, so I thought I'd attempt to jump on the bandwagon; if I fall off, well...I suppose Errn the blogger just wasn't meant to be.
First thing: I hate having to choose screennames, because I feel like I can never come up with anything interesting and catchy that still somehow relates to me. I thought about just using my AIM handle, MountainMermaid8, which I like too much to change, but I realized that I am no longer a "Mountain" Mermaid (having betrayed my roots and moved down the flatlands of Chapel Hill and all) and "ExMountainMermaid" just sounds incredibly depressing. And then I remembered playing on this random name generator a few years back -- what's your pirate name-- (don't ask for the URL, 'cause I can't remember) and my pirate name was supposedly "VoodooEsmerelda." Well, it had this fun pirate/pornstar/stripper ring to it, and it was much less depressing than "ExMountainMermaid." And god knows, since I've starting censoring myself as a teacher, I've realized I need alot more pirate/pornstar/stripper elements in my life. So if you're wondering, that's why "VoodooEsmerelda."
Second thing -- I can't write a blog and NOT sound off about how much my job sucks. I have quickly discovered that I love studying literature much more than I love teaching it; I love to analyze it and read into it and tear it to pieces with my silly little brain, and in teaching, I am more or less regurgitating state-mandated interpretations of books and short stories that were lucky enough to make it into the state's "canon" of literature. Damnitall.
Here's the thing, though. I LOVE my students. They're genuinely good kids. Not just good, they're really great kids. Which surprises me, because I don't have any honors classes. My students got into this absolutely amazing debate the other day about racism after one of my students brought up the Jena Six incident. Considering that about fifty percent or more of each of my classes is black, that got interesting real quick. But in a good way. I thought seriously about having them write letters to the press and to government officials about it, to let them sound off on it and express themselves and WRITE at the same time. My dad told me that they make movies about teachers that pull crap like that; I thought of Dangerous Minds and Freedom Writers, all about the kindly white woman who comes in to save the black delinquents, and I wasn't quite sure what to think of myself. A little disgusted and inspired at the same time. What does that mean? These kids are NOT in any way shape or form delinquents, and most of them will go on to do good things with their lives no matter what I "inspire" them to do... so maybe they don't make movies about inspirational teachers, just the ones who's students deal drugs and carry guns in their oversized britches. Aw, hell, I've already decided to weasel my way out of this loan debt thing anyway and get my doctorate and teach women's literature at some university until I'm a pickled old hippie anyway, so who really cares if I inspire anybody at all, as long as I meet the state fucktard standards?
Last thing, and then I quit, I swear. I miss college life and Boone and the GANG like a bitch. Seriously. I miss sleeping in and skipping class, I miss being able to take the Appalcart to class and not drive my car for days at a time, I miss POTLUCK, I miss four or five people casually dropping into my apartment to get drunk and watch The Daily Show and The Colbert Report. I miss all the people -- seems like I formed the neatest little makeshift family up in those mountains, especially over the last couple of summers (you know who you are), and now I've gone and left to go and figure out what it means to be a grown-up, and I've left everybody behind. It hurts alot more than I expected it to, which is saying something, because I expected it to hurt alot. Just not this much.
Sigh....I suppose I'll live.